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09 June 2010 @ 06:34 pm
Numb3rs Fic: Kill Shot  
Written for numb3rs100 Challenge #267 – Scrub


Title: Kill Shot
Pairing/Characters: Don
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 100
Spoilers: The Decoy Effect
Summary: Don's only been an agent three months when he takes his first kill shot
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ


Don followed procedure.

He handed over his gun to the SAC.

He filled out the required paperwork.

He sat through the 'we've all been there' and 'it was a good shoot' lecture.

He nodded as they reviewed the psychiatric evaluation process.

It's procedure, they kept saying, normal procedure.

Then he went home to his solitary apartment in what passed for a safe neighborhood in Detroit.

He stood under the shower, scrubbing his skin raw as blistering hot water scalded it red.

But the taint of having shot a man, having taken a human life, couldn't be washed down the drain.

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Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 10th, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)
Confession
The angst machine is back! Between this and the David drabble I think I'm back on an angst roll. ;-)

I confess that even though the first draft of this was a nice 100 words I let Mel talk me into rewriting bits of it. I don't disagree with her beta comments, but for some reason I'm having trouble letting go of the original.

So you get a two for the price of one deal. I'm pasting the original drabble below just to make me happy. It's not that different, but it's bugging me. /shrugs/

Procedure.

Don handed over his gun to his SAC.

He filled out the required paperwork.

He sat through the 'we've all been there' and 'it was a good shoot' lecture.

He nodded as they reviewed the psychiatric evaluation he'd need to go through to go back into the field.

Then he went home to his crappy apartment in what passed for a safe neighborhood in Detroit.

He stood under a scalding hot shower, scrubbing his skin raw, trying to get clean.

But the taint of having shot a man, having taken a human life, couldn't be washed down the drain.


Very special thanks to beta melissima for her assistance with this fic.

Thanks,

Emma DeMarais
tkdbbelt on June 10th, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Confession
I think I like the original better myself but I can't, for the like of me, tell you why...
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 10th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Confession
Exactly! When Mel suggested the beta changes I couldn't formulate any argument against them in favor of the original, yet I still have this attachment to the original. /shrugs/ I think it's just a visceral thing with no explanation.

Thanks for reading - both!
ladygray99ladygray99 on June 10th, 2010 06:43 am (UTC)
I read this on my little phone and liked it. I read it again on my computer and got an even better feeling for it where each sentence was it's own paragraph and just one line. It was like every sentence was underlining the fact of what happened. I don't know if this was intentional in any way but that's what I got. I liked this look at the procedure of it capped off by Don's more emotional response in the privacy of his own home.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 10th, 2010 07:30 am (UTC)
Thanks. The separation of lines into their own paragraphs is always intentional. One might claim it's part of my style, if I were to have a recognizable one. I really like the punch of having a statement stand on its own, especially in a scant drabble of 100 words. I find that authors who have a more descriptive style (which I certainly don't) tend to be able to have several sentences in a paragraph and make them flow nicely, but being economical I have pretty much one thought per and just move along. ;-) And yeah, you nailed the juxtaposition of emotionless procedure and Don's much more visceral reaction once he was in a more private space. /exhibits no surprise whatsoever/ :-)
rubynye: Don (by weirdkid624)rubynye on June 10th, 2010 07:45 pm (UTC)
*nod* This looks like the perfect fic to read on a phone.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 10th, 2010 10:57 pm (UTC)
Drabbles are cool like that - portable storytelling FTW!
(Deleted comment)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 10th, 2010 09:20 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Candi: Don and Davidmustangcandi on June 10th, 2010 11:31 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this look at pre-series Don. I really don't think folks write him often enough. A poignant and accurate assessment of what he had to experience the first time he had to take another life. Lovely. :)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 10th, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC)
Agreed. The pre-series Don we do get tends to be a) with Billy, often slash b) angsty Margaret death related cest or c) Stockton era, also usually cest. We don't see that much Quantico era Don or Academy era Don and I don't know that I've seen anyone else write him in Detroit during his very first assignment.

Then again I'm also wishing there were more pre-series Charlie too - where he got his doctorate, how he finally lived on his own after living with his mom during college and well, Susan. /grins/

I'm glad you liked this though. It's sparse, but packs a fair amount of angst into those 100 words. (Just how I like it!)
Candi: Charlie Flowermustangcandi on June 12th, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC)
Pre-series Charlie for the win! I'd love to see more of that... especially living with Susan. ^^

LOL.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 16th, 2010 12:45 am (UTC)
/is tempted/

/hopes muse gets tempted too/
she studied. she climbed. she wrote.: numb3rs- woobieloozy on June 12th, 2010 10:14 am (UTC)
Me likes this.

A lot.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 16th, 2010 10:46 am (UTC)
Thanks a lot!
(Deleted comment)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 16th, 2010 10:47 am (UTC)
Ooh! Thanks for the canon tip. I'll have to check out that ep for that info.

FWIW I realized later I kind of nicked this scenario from Homicide, which I suppose is only partially self-plagiarization since Homicide's not published yet. /grins/
etiennewestwind: thoughtfulyzaketiennewestwind on June 17th, 2010 11:20 am (UTC)
Excellent piece. You've captured a sense of autopilot and painful.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on June 17th, 2010 11:53 am (UTC)
Thank you! I like stuffing a bunch of angst into one 100 word package.