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17 November 2008 @ 01:28 pm
Numb3rs Fic: Devolution  
Posted to numb3rs_slash
Crossposted to eppescest


Title: Devolution
Series/Universe: Devolution
Pairing/Characters: Don/Charlie
Rating: NC17
Spoilers: Pilot, UP, Identity Crisis, Sacrifice
Summary: 1988 - Don was 18 when Charlie made his first attempt
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ


There are moments in a life that cannot be forgotten: wedding vows, the birth of a child, the death of a loved one...

Don Eppes had such a moment six days after his 18th birthday.

Returning home from the batting cages he threw his bat on his bed and spotted a note taped to his mirror.

'Donnie,

I love you.

I'm sorry.'

He didn't understand; he just knew.

He raced across the hall and threw open the door to Charlie's bedroom.

His brother lay still, sprawled on the floor amidst a scattering of empty prescription bottles.

He scooped his limp form up and held him, screamed at him, begged, but he couldn't make Charlie wake up again.

Don never forgot his brother dying in his arms.

+

Don had sex, Charlie knew this for a fact.

He was a quintessential jock, attractive and popular, so of course he expected his girlfriends to put out. He had plenty of girlfriends throughout high school, but between them Charlie would watch the girls jockey into position for dates, all hoping to be chosen as the next one to be on Don's arm.

He settled down with Marisa a few weeks into the second semester of their senior year. She was pretty with caramel skin, big brown eyes and long hair that went down to her behind. Or so Don rhapsodized.

Charlie only had eyes for Don.

Don had filled out early, as befitting an athlete, and the brush of chest hair that had expanded across his pecs and down the line to his navel only made him look older, more mature. Vain, he made a point of taking his shirt off as often as possible - always a show off. He'd claim skins for basketball every time and offer to wash their parents' car on hot days when the neighborhood girls were sure to be around.

Sometimes Charlie wondered if the devil was real and Don had been put on earth to torment him. It seemed like a good theory at the time. Nothing else could explain the fascination he had with his own brother or the lack of interest in girls or anyone really his own age.

In truth, the only thing good at chipping away at his worship of Don was Don himself. 'Out of my way, runt,' he'd say, brushing past Charlie on his way to yet another fun and exciting social event Charlie wasn't welcome at. 'Keep your hands off my stuff.' 'Don't be such a retard.' As cruel as Don was to him in the brief seconds he'd acknowledge his presence it wasn't enough to counteract the hours of adoring him from afar.

Baseball games were the hardest - Don in his uniform with tight fitting pants. Perversely Charlie hoped Don would strike out. Having to watch him stand around the bases would just make things worse. Watching Don in public inevitably meant an uncomfortable and embarrassing erection he'd have to hide with notebooks of statistics.

Charlie sometimes wondered what the statistics were for incest.

As much as he hated Marisa - was jealous of her to be honest - she was useful in one way. He got to listen to Don having sex. He'd creep out into the hallway whenever their parents were gone and Marisa had snuck over without permission. The breathy pants and mumbled curse words were an aphrodisiac and Charlie used them to get off time and time again.

But it wasn't enough.

The plan was simple, but ambitious. Don always had piles of laundry that nearly overflowed his hamper. Hiding the camcorder in it wouldn't be a problem. If Don found it though? He'd be dead. His parents wouldn't even forgive him for that. But if he got the footage? That would be a piece of Don he could keep, to have all to himself for once. Of course the plan required Marisa, but to Charlie she was a mere prop.

The hour and a half wait for their sneaky liaison to end was excruciating, but Charlie was sure it would be worth it. He waited until Don saw Marisa out to the driveway for a final kiss before sneaking into Don's room and retrieving the still recording camcorder.

He locked the door to his room and put a chair up against the knob like in the movies just in case. He had to turn the sound down - he'd wait until the house was empty before indulging in audio - but when he rewound the tape and fast-forwarded to the good parts, he wasn't disappointed.

Once Don had stripped Marisa, he'd stood up to take his jeans off. Standing before her, in full frontal view of the camera, he put one knee on the bed and all but presented her with his cock to suck. Charlie was hopelessly hard, hand on his own dick, at the sight of her mouth sucking down Don's cock.

The taut line of Don's hard body as he came was beautiful, his head thrown back, cupid lips caught in a perfect O.

That tape was about the only thing that got Charlie through his miserable senior year.

And then Don found out.

He'd been sloppy, fallen asleep - lazy and sated after yet another round of masturbation - before taking the tape out of the camcorder like normal. Don, never mindful of Charlie's possessions yet always expecting Charlie to treat his room as sacrosanct, had just gone in and taken the camcorder and found the tape by accident.

"You're a sick fuck, you know that? What, are you getting off on watching people fuck? Getting off on watching your brother naked? Pervert! I am so showing this to Mom and Dad when they get home. You'll be busted for the rest of your natural life and then some. Hell, they might even send you to juvie or to an institution! A freak like you would fit right in..."

Charlie wished throughout the whole hateful speech Don would just punch him and get it over with. He got his wish - eventually - doubling over in pain as Don buried his fist in Charlie's tender gut. And then Javier had driven up to take Don to the batting cages and he'd grabbed his bat and stormed out.

The house was quiet after that. His parents wouldn't be home from work for hours. Don certainly wasn't going to be back soon. Plenty of time to get his courage up, to make this final decision. More than enough time to go through his parents' medicine cabinet. He knew where they kept the good drugs. It's not like he hadn't though about it before.

+

There are moments where time seems to slow down, a torture where pain hurts longer, agony seems unending. There are also times when it speeds up and there's no way to keep up, to hold back the second hand for more precious time.

Sitting on the floor with his brother lifeless in his arms Don's every heartbeat had an epoch between it. Staring down at Charlie's pale still face he felt like he was dying too, stabs of guilt and remorse every bit as painful as a real knife would have been.

And then he was up, out, carrying Charlie to his car - barely remembering to grab the bottles to stuff in his pockets for the doctors.

Charlie was slung half across him in the car, getting in the way of the steering wheel, but it was only a mile to Huntington Memorial Hospital and if there was any hope it was in the emergency room with the doctors.

Don berated himself, using every swear word he had learned in his 18 years on the planet and then some, even after they came out and said they'd revived Charlie just in time.

Still, it was thirty-three hours before Charlie regained consciousness - anxious hours where Don never spoke, never smiled, and refused to answer his parents' questions when they asked him why why their baby boy would do this.

They were all there when Charlie finally woke up. He opened his eyes, saw Don and then closed them again.

To Don that was condemnation of the worst kind.

But he deserved it.

=
 
 
 
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on November 17th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
Confession
Brace yourselves. This one's going to be long...

I did so well with the Not the Only One Series, which is made up of 3 page long installments, that I figured I'd try doing another long series with 3 page long installments with Don/Charlie instead of Charlie/Colby.

Only it didn't quite turn out the way I'd hoped. It's way more complex.

I'll save most of my comments about this series for the series post - mostly because I'm tired and have NaNo brain and think I'd do a better job of it later - but I can tell you the basics of the series as it's planned.
There will be 14-15 separate fic in the series - all 3 pages long, all one word titles starting with D.

They all have bookends (first and last parts matching) where it's basically the same scene interrupted then resumed.

They all have a middle section that is a flashback.

All the bookend scenes are Don POV and all the flashbacks are Charlie POV.

Each fic takes place during a specific sequential year, although the flashback may or may not be a previous year.

The planned sequence is 1988-1995 then 2002-2007 (or 2008) with 1996-2001 being skipped because it's assumed to be when Don was away from the family with the FBI.

Like NOO, this is more about the long haul so don't expect actual Don/Charlie in this Don/Charlie series any time soon - it's more about the dysfunction on the lengthy path there than the destination.

Unlike NOO there will be sexual content, thus the NC17 rating.

The first four fic in the series have been written and will be published right away. I doubt that I'll be able to fit any more in before end of year, but one hopes I'll be able to pick it back up early in 2009. At least the first four fic form an arc of sorts and the next group of fic form an arc with a different feel so there's not really a bad cliffhanger for the wait.

So basically this is an angsty dark cestfic series where Charlie spends years fucked up because he's obsessed with Don. /checks calendar to make sure it's not 2005/ Thankfully it doesn't stay there and the plots that make up the middle and later years do get some variety so it's not all Charlie trying to kill himself and Don avoiding him.

I promise.

I mean, since when do I put this much work into a series and then only do what's expected. ;-)

Thanks,

Emma DeMarais
andi: Don/Charlie Always Thereadmiralandrea on November 17th, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
Interesting start, I look forward to more!
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 17th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks! This one's been around since summer so I'm happy to finally have enough installments so I can start posting it! I figured it would be mean to leave people hanging, well, more than I already am. ;-)
haydn on November 17th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
Oh God. This was so painful, I find myself hoping for a sunshine and roses happy ending even though it seems unlikely within the near future for the boys here. I look forward to more!
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 17th, 2008 10:13 pm (UTC)
Hi and welcome!

Yeah, this is big time angst/shame/depression here. It's messy and ugly and completely full of woe for at least the next few installments.

I promise it will get interesting and be not quite so melodramatic in the middle. There's some parts where Charlie finally starts to come into his own before we jump ahead to when Don moves home for his mother and their dynamic changes yet again.

You remind me of why so many people liked my fic Honey and Roses. I think people do kind of want that for them, unlikely as it is. Now if I could just finish the *sequel* to that fic, they'd get their happy time...

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Tori Lovelostandalone22 on November 17th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC)
This is heartbreaking. I can really feel Don's emotions in this. Beautiful story!
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 17th, 2008 11:54 pm (UTC)
Thanks! It's my favorite in the series (so far) because it's so visceral like that.

/still loves all over your icon after all this time/
clairelesley on November 18th, 2008 08:33 am (UTC)
You've answered my prayers!
This sounds like just the sort of story I've been waiting for.
As to this installment, I'm going to have to replace the tissues I leave by the computer for just such an occasion, and this is BEFORE I go to work!
And now I'm going to have to re-read NOO though I definitely prefer the Don/Charlie pairing, so I really feel like heading to Broken/Shattered (OMG I'm so depressed - but in a good way!)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 18th, 2008 08:45 am (UTC)
Wow! /is stunned/ That's quite a comment! I'm glad you remembered Broken/Shattered though. I liked that set. It was some really satisfying melodramatic angst, IMHO.

This is definitely an angsty series, but while it calms down a bit from this dramatic opening that doesn't mean Charlie's in the clear. I don't want to give away too much, but our boys are definitely in for a rough ride over the next two decades. /nods/

Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment!
devon99 on November 18th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)
Wonderful start. Deliciously angsty, just what I like and Don/Charlie too, my favourite pairing.

I Am really looking forward to this series from you:)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 18th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I think of it as deliciously angsty myself! If LJ would stop being sketchy I'd post the next installment. /eyes it/
auryn_wrenauryn_wren on November 18th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was really... good. Sad, very sad, but good. Poor boys. Charlie is what, 13, in this? (was never quite sure of the age gap)

Can't wait for them to be fixed.

More?
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 18th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm prepping the next post right now.

Yes, he's 13 and Don's 18. I think in the series post I'll put both their ages next to the year so it's clear how old they are. It took me ages to work out what made sense to me since, well, canon is fucked up. (I hate when shows are sloppy and have conflicting canon! /toddlerfists/)

Not sure they'll ever be truly fixed, but in the end they reach a more stable relationship and a point where neither one is falling apart.

Before then? LOTS of falling apart. ;-)
rubynye: Oglerubynye on November 19th, 2008 12:43 pm (UTC)
Holy cats and kittens! Oh, goodness, I am utterly blown away. This comment should be easily ten times as long -- there's so *much* here -- but I wanted to at least write you this.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on November 19th, 2008 07:17 pm (UTC)
Really? Huh. Blown away is good - I guess I just didn't expect it. I mean, sure, we hope for such a reaction (so thank you!) as authors, but I guess I've lived with this fic for so many months the impact was mostly lost on me.
boymommytotwoboymommytotwo on May 30th, 2009 02:03 pm (UTC)
okay, my dear - sometimes i get confused. admittedly.

but you did a really good job of explaining th structure and i made it through #1 in fine fashion. so i was happy!

now i'm confused again. by dates.

are you writing this series NOW, or started it in Nov 2008 and we're getting an update? or what's going on???

;)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on May 31st, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
Sorry!

I normally make a Series post at the same time I publish the first couple of fic in a series. For reasons I don't recall at all, the Series post for Devolution never went up in 2008. I didn't even realize it until Devolution came up in conversation and I went to go get links to it and saw there was no Series post. Oops! So I made one and posted it and will link future fic in the series to it when they go up.

So I don't have anything new right now /feels bad/ however I'm in the mood to write at the moment so anything might happen!

Sorry for the confusion!