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21 February 2009 @ 03:38 pm
Leverage Fic: A Man's Best Friend is His Knife  
Posted to geteven_getfic

Title: A Man's Best Friend is His Knife
Pairing/Characters: Eliot, Nate, Sophie, Alec, Parker
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Nigerian, Homecoming, Miracle, Stork, Wedding
Summary: Eliot's knife skills come in handy even at the office
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ


Nate's back slammed against the wall so fast it forced his breath from his lungs in a violent exhalation.

The knife edge pressed into his throat made the option of inhaling a dubious proposition.

"Nate? What the hell?"

Eliot pulled the knife away once he recognized who had come up behind him.

"If you're doing this to all your co-workers then I seriously need to make some changes to office policy." Nate's attempt at a drawl was thwarted somewhat by the sizeable amount of adrenaline still coursing through his system. He looked down to where Eliot still had him pressed up against the wall with his muscular frame. "And perhaps a seminar on sexual harassment."


Eliot pulled out his favorite knife and held it up for Alec to see.

"A man's best friend is his knife..." he began.

Alec sat back on the conference room table smirking at Eliot, indulging himself in a little smug humor.

"Dude, if that's your best friend? You seriously need to get laid."

Eliot lowered the knife, annoyed.

"Hey, you're the one who asked me to teach you some knife skills."

Alec held up his hands in defense.

"It's cool, man. I'm here to learn. Show me what you got."

"What I got?" Eliot came at Alec with the knife, the razor sharp blade glinting beneath the conference room lights as he mock slashed over Alec's chest area in a brief yet wild frenzy of action.

Alec just sat, looking bored, until Eliot stepped away.

"Hardison, you didn't make a single move to defend yourself. Why?" Eliot asked, hands on his hips in frustration.

"Dude, no way you were going to hurt me!" Alec scoffed. "Nate would whup your ass but good if you put any of us in the hospital."

"First lesson," Eliot huffed out. "Assume anyone - anyone - coming at you with a blade intends to kill you. Now when you're actually serious about learning some knife skills, you let me know."

He stormed off, scowling, and Parker poked her head into the conference room as Eliot exited, wrinkling up her nose in confusion.

"What happened to your shirt?"

"My shirt?"

Alec stood up and the remains of his shirt fell to the floor, shredded into ribbons.



Their breakroom kitchen workstations were set up exactly the same, down to the knives and chopping blocks, but the cadence was all wrong.

Eliot's knife chopped the onions with mathematical precision, fast quick chops one after the other.

Sophie's chops were slow and uneven, interspersed with little foreign swear words under her breath.

"I can't get the pieces all the same size like yours!" she bemoaned. "Show me again?"

Eliot snatched three more onions from the pile of washed produce and put them on her cutting board.

"Okay, once again..." He stood behind her, put his arms around her and lined them up with hers - using his hands to guide her hands and adjusting her grip on the knife before moving it over the onions. "You're lifting the knife too high and it's ruining your motion. Try this..." They chopped together for a moment then he lifted his hands away slightly. She slowed, but kept the action going. "That's it! Much better!"

He pulled away, returning to his own workstation and picking up his knife.

"I bet this really impresses the women you bring home," Sophie teased with a playful bat of her eyes.

Eliot spun the knife in his hand in a dazzling show of skill and control.

"Trust me, by the time I bring them home?" He let a little smirk slip out. "They're already impressed..."


"You can throw knives too, right? Like those circus guys do?"

Parker had a giddy grin on her face as Eliot looked up from where he was about to cut up a grapefruit in the breakroom.

"Yeah, I can throw knives and no it's not like the circus," he said gruffly. "I throw them to hit people not miss them."

"Yeah, but you could, right?" she pointed out. "Aim around them, like make one of those outlines they do?"

"I could, don't know why..."

Before he could get the phrase out Parker emptied the knives out of the drawer onto the counter in front of him.

"Do it! I want to see what it's like!"

She glanced around and then rushed over to the wall opposite him, her back to the deep cherry wood panel.

"You're insane."

"Come on, it'll be fun!" When Eliot hesitated, she made a face at him. "What's the matter, not as good as you say you are?"

Eliot set his jaw and picked up the knife. "Do not move."

Parker settled into position and became as still as a statue.

The knife whizzed through the air and stuck into the wall about two inches from Parker's upper arm.

"Do it again! Do it again!" She bounced up and down and clapped, then suddenly went silent, moving back into position. "Do the whole outline!"

"Crazy, just freaking loco..." Eliot huffed under his breath. "Okay, don't move until I'm done, all right? I'm going to throw all six and fast."

Parker bit her lip as six blades flew at her and six thuds landed around her body - the knives outlining her head and shoulders.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, looking back at where she'd been standing, jumping around in delight.

Nate appeared in the breakroom doorway.

"You know, that cherry paneling was not cheap."

"Take it out of my paycheck," Eliot snarked.

"I don't pay you," Nate said, frowning.

Eliot let out a little chuckle. "Exactly."

"Here, I'll pay for it!" Parker tugged at the heel of her boot, releasing a hidden compartment, and pulled out a gold coin, which she plopped into Nate's palm. "Totally worth it. That was fun!"

As she flounced out the door, Nate called after her. "Parker! This is a Krugerand!"

She popped her head back in the door. "Yeah, it is. Hey, can you tell Hardison I didn't have room for it and the tracker he installed in Belgrade, so I had to put his tracker in my other boots? Thanks!"

Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on February 21st, 2009 11:41 pm (UTC)
This is actually the first Leverage fic I started - technically before I wrote Dollhouse - I just didn't get it finished and published right away. Any resemblance to the first one I published was purely intentional /grins/ but it was that fic ripping off this one, not the other way around. (Yes, when you've written as much as I have, self-plagiarism becomes a non-event.)

I wrote this based on a bunny given to me by penguingal. She gave me Eliot/Hardison knife skills. I had ideas for it, but didn't write anything for a while. Then when she was having a bad day, I decided to send her a little Nate/Eliot since she likes that pairing. I wrote what is now the Nate vignette in this fic and thus a little series of vignettes using Eliot and his knife/knives was born. I made this gen, but there's plenty of slash goggle material in the Nate one, not so much in the Eliot one unfortunately. Oddly enough anyone who likes Eliot/Sophie (not me) can use het goggles on that vignette. Parker? Is just Parker. /adores her/ That last one is a bit too much about her, and way too long, but I adored her at the end too much to cut that bit. She really isn't supposed to know Hardison bugged her shoe in Belgrade so it amused me to write that she not only knew, but was practical about it enough to deal with the bug when she didn't have room for it anymore. No offense, not a second thought, just 'oh hey I had to move that to another shoe, kthxbai!'

I confess I really wanted my first Leverage fic to be based on Eliot's remark about her being 20 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag. I've never heard that before, but I LOVE it! /dies laughing/ I reserve the right to write it later - most definitely!

I probably should have taken more time to even out these vignettes in length, but a) I found I didn't care much especially after forcing the last fic to be exactly 100 words each and b) I really liked what I wrote and didn't want to add anymore to them. I'll just have to live with them being quite uneven.

Very special thanks to beta melissima for her assistance with this fic.


Emma DeMarais
theoriginal_ist: Eliot - Dramatictheoriginal_ist on February 21st, 2009 11:54 pm (UTC)
Mm. Lovely. I liked the first one, it was hilarious. Hardison's was funny. Sophie's was sweet/cute but Parker's? Parker's was hilarious. I love how excited about it she was. And I liked the different lengths of it so no worried. Great job!
lady angel: misbehavedameange on February 21st, 2009 11:55 pm (UTC)
Is it wrong to be turned on by Eliot and his knife skills?
melissimamelissima on February 22nd, 2009 12:35 am (UTC)
Yay they're up! I think I love your Eliot even more than canon Eliot. :)

"Here, I'll pay for it!" Parker tugged at the heel of her boot, releasing a hidden compartment, and pulled out a gold coin, which she plopped into Nate's palm. "Totally worth it. That was fun!"

As she flounced out the door, Nate called after her. "Parker! This is a Krugerand!"

She popped her head back in the door. "Yeah, it is. Hey, can you tell Hardison I didn't have room for it and the tracker he installed in Belgrade, so I had to put his tracker in my other boots? Thanks!"

LOFFS! Parker would totally do this. I kind of want you to write a whole series of "trying to bug Parker" stories where Alec has to keep hiding more and more trackers and she keeps finding/defeating them. :)
Twig: Leverage - Sophie teehee!angstbunny on February 22nd, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
HEE, this is adorable. I totally have my slash goggles on, so that first snippet? :D :D :D :D But omg, all the snippets are adorable, from Eliot teaching Sophie how to chop to Parker's GLEE at Eliot's knife throwing skills. <3 <3 <3
 Nayeli Honizrewillow_fae_20 on February 22nd, 2009 01:32 am (UTC)
OMG!!! LOVE!!! I really adore your Parker and your Eliot is Awesome.
One Part Exuberance; Two Parts Obsession: nate/eliotpenguingal on February 22nd, 2009 03:38 am (UTC)
HARDISON'S SHIRT. OMG! I could so totally see that.

I love all of these so much, but I agree. The Parker one is just made of awesome and perfect just as it is.

Also? *goes to my Eliot/Nate happy place* :D
Lacey McBain: Leverage - bring your asslaceymcbain on February 22nd, 2009 04:42 am (UTC)
a man's best friend ...
Nicely written - I love your Parker here. She's crazy and delightful. Also Nate's comment about sexual harassment for the win! *g*
Karen: leverage elliotbyrons_brain on February 22nd, 2009 03:44 pm (UTC)
::deep sigh:: I think Elliot and his knives have just become a serious kink for me.... great fic!
Sapphire Smoke [ mary ]cuzimastripper on September 21st, 2009 07:45 am (UTC)
"And perhaps a seminar on sexual harassment."

HA! That totally made me snort. I would love to see Nate do that.

And god, Parker *pets her* She's so cute, but so off xD
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on September 21st, 2009 07:51 am (UTC)
Oh hey! Hi! Yeah, I haven't written much Leverage as of late, but it was damn fun when I did. Here's hoping after some fresh episodes I get a bunny again.

Thanks for reading!
Sapphire Smoke [ mary ]cuzimastripper on September 21st, 2009 07:59 am (UTC)
You need bunnies? I can prompt you if you need more Leverage awesomeness ^_^
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on September 21st, 2009 08:08 am (UTC)
Oh, my brain is full of bunnies. /points to hundreds upon hundreds of fic on my LJ/ I just lack the compulsion to write them.

My slashwife holds chats in our fandom and one of the things we do in there is come up with prompts for rounds_of_kink. I always throw out a ton of Leverage and Leverage crossover prompts (because sex with Christian Kane fictional characters is up there with Faith or Dean from Supernatural - everyone should get to!), but I don't submit or sign up to write them for whatever reason. It's just been tougher to get the muse interested in things this year. /sigh/
Sapphire Smoke [ mary ]cuzimastripper on September 21st, 2009 08:15 am (UTC)
Ohh I've heard of that. I've been wanting to do Kink Bingo over on Dreamwidth but its always effing closed for cards when I check -grr face-

Aha. I think everyone should have sex with Parker xD Except for Nate, because that's just ew.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on September 21st, 2009 08:19 am (UTC)
You should totally go check out rounds_of_kink for the prompts at the very least. The fics a mix of good and not so good, but the prompts alone are fun to read. If you see any marked n3_slashchat that's our group. We get a lot of ours picked up. /is proud even though none of them are hers/
Cearesceares on October 30th, 2009 03:35 am (UTC)
&hearts loved this! So adorable and sexy, and perfect response for each character.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on October 30th, 2009 03:43 am (UTC)
Thanks! Mags gave me Eliot/Hardison knife skills as a prompt and it just took off from there. Hee! So much fun!

You know, a bunch of us did some Leverage prompting over at rounds_of_kink so you might want to look there for some fun fic as well.