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02 May 2010 @ 04:13 pm
Numb3rs Fic: World's Most Dangerous Groomzilla  
Posted to numb3rs_slash

Title: World's Most Dangerous Groomzilla
Pairing/Characters: Ian/Colby, Don
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Sniper Zero, Judgment Call
Summary: Ian is always scary but even more so when it comes to his wedding day
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ

"Where is he!"

As Don opened the door to the dressing room he all but winced at Ian's volume, bracing himself for impact as he stepped into the groom's room.

"Ian, you need to calm down..."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Ian yelled. "I'm supposed to be getting married in half an hour and no one knows where my fiance is!"

The ushers who had been valiantly bearing the brunt of Ian's ranting snuck out as Don put out a hand to try to ease Ian into a chair - an effort that was wishful thinking at best.

"Colby's fine, trust me."

"He was supposed to be here an hour early - at least - like me!" Ian's flailing gestures were constrained by his tuxedo, annoying him further. "Ugh! And I hate this tux!" He went to tear off the jacket, but Don managed to halt him in time.

"Ian, hold up! Colby's going to be here in plenty of time and you need to be ready for the ceremony."

"Where is he?" Ian asked again. "Why won't anyone tell me?"

"Because you're the third best shot in the country?" Don offered with a grin. "Okay, first? Brendan's just a kid..."

"Colby's cousin? The ring-bearer? What did he do?" Ian asked, sufficiently distracted from his ire for Don to smooth out his now rumpled tux.

"He just spilled a little something on Colby's dress uniform pants, that's all. Colby's mom couldn't get the stain out so David rushed them to a one hour cleaner that promised to have them ready in 15 minutes." Don straightened Ian's bow-tie and caught his eye. "He will be here. Colby won't let you down."

"Nobody better let me down today," Ian growled. "This has to be perfect." He stuck his head out the door to glance into the decorated hall before Don could stop him. "Damn it! I told them not to hang that stupid garland up there and they did anyway!"

Don flipped open his cell phone with a discreet roll of his eyes. "Mrs. Granger? It's Don Eppes. Ian needs to talk to Colby. Thanks."

At the sound of his fiance's name Ian's attention snapped back to Don who just handed the phone to Ian.


"Hey, Cole..." Ian's voice softened instantly. "I was worried that you weren't here yet."

"It's just a mishap with my uniform. And hey, David just drove up with my pants from the cleaners. I'll be dressed in two minutes and at the hall in five. Okay? Don't worry. I'll be there."

"Okay." Ian lowered his voice. "Love you."

"Love you too. See you in a few minutes..."

Ian hung up and handed the phone back to Don.


Don put the phone away, nodding. "No problem."

"I'm going to go keep an eye out," Ian gestured, heading out the door.

Don just smiled at the devotion until he heard Ian's voice booming across the hall.

"No! No! Those flowers are in the wrong place entirely!"

Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on May 4th, 2010 04:27 am (UTC)
/hugs you like mad/

It's all you, hon. You gifted me with the bunny and that's all anyone would have needed to slam dunk this fic. The idea of Ian as groomzilla alone is hilarious! Brill! /bows down/ I'm not worthy! /grins/

Plus I adore that you're still tickled by it. I love the idea of a long lasting happy like that. It makes my day. :-)
Tamannaswingandswirl on December 10th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
So it's like six months later and I STILL chuckle every time I remember this fic.

The bunny might have been mine, but the (absolutely fantastic) execution? All yours. Brava, Emma. /snugs and hands cookies and sparkling cider/

And now, off to reread. Again. :D