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28 December 2006 @ 11:55 pm
Numb3rs Fic: Simon Says Part 2  
Simon Says Part 1

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Special Warning:

This fic contains very dark very disturbing content which many people may find objectionable enough to choose not to read.

The story features scenes of both a criminal and sexual nature that are extremely unpleasant including rape/non-con, group sex, violent sex and sex amongst underage participants. Without giving the plot away, if any combination of those makes you squeamish then you should consider not reading this fic. Depending on where you live this type of material may even be illegal.

There are both slash and het sex scenes, but not any incest. I am not listing any pairings or characters since the fic is expansive and doing so would give away important plot points. I will say that it is Charlie focused with Don as an important supporting character. There is a strong focus on original characters and this fic is very AU. It essentially rewrites Charlie's past in a much darker light.

Spoilers include any in Season 1 or 2 that deal with Charlie's past, most notably his educational history and feelings about crimes involving children. Generally speaking they are not so dramatic that someone who hasn't watched Season 2 would be horribly spoiled. There are too many to list for a 40 page fic (even the mere mention of something involving Charlie driving would warrant a spoiler) so consider this perhaps about halfway through Season 2 since that's when it was first written.

If you do decide to read this fic, please consider reading the Confession post afterwards for additional explanation. Do not read the Confession post beforehand, as it will give away the most important plot points.

To those who are offended by this I apologize in advance. I have tried to warn people away from reading this, so if you continue at this point you do so at your own risk...
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By the time Charlie came around, he was dressed again, as were Simon and Pablo.

"Charlie!" Pablo said worriedly. "You had me so scared! You blacked out, but then we couldn't wake you up!"

Charlie stared at Simon who was standing nearby. "Nice of you to join us, Dorothy," he said with a slight snicker.

Charlie looked around the room, praying for signs it had just been a hallucination. His eyes alighted on the nightstand where there was a leftover condom and the partially used tube of lubricant.

Charlie clapped a hand over his mouth, trying to stop the flow of bile as his body rejected this reality and everything in it. He ran to the bathroom, past a concerned Pablo and an amused Simon in time to throw up in the toilet.

Standing up weakly, he happened to look up and see himself in the mirror. He looked like hell. Staring at his reflection it hit him that he'd had sex finally, but he'd had it with a guy not a girl. Not just with one guy either - with two at once. For the rest of his life, he was going to have to face that he lost his virginity to two guys - one of whom he had said no to, but been fucked anyway without his consent.

The thought made Charlie retch into the toilet even harder.

He flushed the toilet once he was down to just dry heaves and watched the water swirl around the bowl. Something about it made him feel dizzier than he already was and he stumbled from the room only to come face to face with Simon.

Charlie took one look at him and saw, for the first time, the true face behind the deceptive smile.

He ran from the room and didn't look back.

He took a long hot shower when he got home, scrubbing himself raw in a futile effort to clean himself of the taint of his shame. He went to bed straight afterwards and didn't get up again - not for dinner, not for breakfast the next day, nor for lunch. His mother - convinced he was sick - stayed home to care for him, but he would barely eat and kept throwing up anything she fed him.

He missed his English exam on Friday, but didn't care. He eventually tired of his mother's constant smothering and urged her to go to Don's baseball game with his father. He needed time to think and having the family out of the house would give him at least a couple of hours alone.

After they left he ended up lulled into a peaceful sleep, despite the afternoon sun sneaking in around the edges of his bedroom blinds.

He found himself in a dream, one where a pretty actress from a movie he'd seen recently was smiling seductively at him as she stroked his cock. Charlie floated away happily, enjoying the sensation. As he relaxed, the woman unexpectedly turned into Pablo for a second then switched back.

Disturbed, he tried to just ignore that unwanted image and focus on the pleasure, but the woman switched to Pablo again for a few seconds, then suddenly switched to Simon who said, "I know you want me."

The voice sounded horribly real and Charlie woke up with a start, crying out in surprise when he found he was not alone in his bed. His pajama bottoms had been pulled down and Simon was beside him, stroking Charlie's cock in one hand and his own in the other.

"What are you doing?" Charlie yelled. "Get your hands off me!"

"Ah ah ah! Is that the kind of gratitude a mentor should be given by a mentee?" Simon taunted, pulling his hands back almost casually. "And here I was being so nice, coming over to make you feel better."

"Don't touch me."

Charlie tried to keep his anger in check, but he was trembling more out of fear than rage, unable to stem his sense of helplessness in Simon's presence.

"You don't want to be study buddies anymore? Or fuck buddies?" Simon teased. "Fine, but I want one last round before we go our separate ways."

"No!" Charlie said forcefully. "Get away from me!"

"Hmm... No," Simon said. "But if you're going to be rude about it, I can play it that way."

Simon pulled him close, close enough that Charlie could feel Simon's bare skin against his back and his hard cock against his ass. Charlie fought back his panic as Simon whispered tersely in his ear.

"You want to say no this last time? Fine. Then here's what will happen. I will tell the whole school that you're a fag, that you fuck little boys and you like it. I'll make sure your big brother knows that I sucked you off and made you come just by kissing you. I'll be sure he has a full description of what it was like fucking you while you were fucking a twelve year old boy. Oh, and your parents? How do you think your mother is going to take it if I tell her her darling little boy is a fag and a pedophile, huh? That her baby lost his virginity during group sex with not one but two guys? Yeah, a mother never forgets that kind of thing."

"Please, no..." Charlie implored. "You can't..."

"I can and I will so don't think that I won't. Now all you have to do is just lay here and let me have my fun one last time and then it's all over. Think you can do that, or do I have to go find your family at the ball game and tell them over the loudspeakers?"

"No... Don't..."

"Okay then," Simon said with a sneer. "Since nobody's home, feel free to make all the noise you want." He leaned in close, his voice low and cruel in Charlie's ear. "I think I'd like to hear you scream again." He grabbed the extra pillow and shoved it under Charlie. "On your stomach," he directed.

No longer able to stop the tears from falling, Charlie complied as Simon stripped his pajama bottoms the rest of the way off.

"Oh crap," he heard Simon say behind him. "I forgot the tube of lube." Charlie's stomach clenched in terror, remembering the searing pain of the first time.

"You can't then... You can't..." Charlie tried to get up, but Simon was sitting on his legs so he couldn't move.

"You're in luck. The condom is lubricated. Better than nothing." Charlie sensed Simon moving around, but with his face pressed into the pillow he couldn't really see what was happening. "I think we can make this a little easier with a bit of prep work."

Charlie felt Simon's hands part his ass cheeks and he tensed in anticipation of the pain. Instead, he felt Simon's tongue sliding down his crack and circling his entrance.

"No!" he said, trying to pull away.

"What did I say about telling your mother?" Simon warned. "Now shut up and lie still or I'll tell them anyway!"

Sickened by the feel of Simon's tongue probing his ass, Charlie fought down his urge to vomit and began to sob quietly into the pillow. After a few minutes, he heard the sound of the condom wrapper being torn open.

He closed his eyes and prayed for unconsciousness, but knew he wouldn't be as lucky as he was last time.

Simon's hands spread his ass open again and he reflexively shrank away as the head of Simon's cock pressed against him. Without lubricant to facilitate entry, Simon had to push harder just to get the head inside and he did so with a slow painful thrust. Charlie screamed as Simon's cock speared him, burning a trail of flames up deep inside his ass as he continued to push forward.

"Oh God, please stop, no... I can't take it..." Charlie cried, willing to do anything to stop the pain. "I'll suck your dick, I'll let you fuck me again later once you have lube. Please! It hurts too much!"

"What a baby," Simon groused. "It'll be over soon, so just shut up, will you?"

Simon grabbed him hard by the hips and started to pull out, the motion searing him like a brand. Once he was almost all the way out, he thrust back in, set to start up a fast rhythm.

White hot shards of pain radiated through Charlie's body with each movement. He no longer knew what he was saying, only that he was begging with every fiber of his being for Simon to stop.

The brutal fucking seemed to go on for an eternity, but Simon finally stiffened and came with a loud burst of profanity.

He pulled out and removed his condom. "Almost better that way," he said snidely. "You were nice and tight for me."

"Please, just leave!" Charlie pleaded tearfully. "You got what you came for, now please go."

"Can't leave until I take care of my partner! Didn't you learn anything from me, Charlie?"

Simon flipped Charlie over onto his back, making him wince.

"No, please. I don't want this."

"Since when is it about what you want? I want the pleasure of your company one last time and I aim to have it."

He took Charlie's now flaccid penis into his hand and tried to revive it. After several minutes of failing to get much response from him, Charlie hoped he'd just give up.

"Going to make me work for it are you? Well, I have a few tricks up my sleeve." Simon forced Charlie's legs open wider and settled himself between them. "Let's see how you like this!" Simon licked a finger and pressed it against Charlie's abused anus.

"No! Not that!" he exclaimed, trying to squirm away.

"Relax. This time I'm trying to make you feel good." Simon worked his finger inside and Charlie hissed at the pain. Once inside, Simon took the head of Charlie's penis into his mouth and sucked on it as he stroked his finger in just the right spot.

Despite the pain, Charlie bucked up involuntarily at the sudden sensation. To his horror, his cock started to harden again and Simon began to suck on it in earnest. Between Simon's mouth and finger, he was quickly overcome by both intense pleasure and extreme revulsion.

Just before he lost control, Simon pulled his mouth away and finished him with his hand, letting the come spurt all over Charlie's stomach and chest.

Thoroughly disgusted and humiliated, Charlie wept uncontrollably.

Simon wiped his hands on Charlie's pajama bottoms then threw them back at him.

"You're a pathetic little wimp. No challenge whatsoever. Face it, you're destined to be any man's bitch for the rest of your life. Get used to it." Simon shook his head. "I totally should have taught you to suck cock since you're going to be on your knees for every Tom, Dick and Harry from now on."

Simon finished getting dressed and turned to leave. "Oh, by the way, you left your backpack at my house. I put it right here by the door."

Charlie didn't respond, didn't even look up.

"Well, it's been nice knowing you, Charlie. At least in the biblical sense." Simon's laugh floated down the hall as he walked out of the house.

By the time Charlie was able to move again the day was turning to dusk. Gingerly he got up, somehow numb from shock and not really thinking, and balled up his sheets and pajamas, carrying them into the bathroom. He shoved them into the trash and then knotted up the trash bag tightly so no one would open it.

He turned the shower on as hot as he could stand it and stood under it, scrubbing himself over and over with his mother's loofah sponge and as much soap as he could get on it.

No matter how hard he scrubbed or how hot the water was he still felt dirty. He finally just sat down on the floor of the tub and let the sobs shake his frame until he lay down, rolled in a ball on the tub floor. He stayed in that position as the water cooled and eventually began to run cold. He was still there when his parents drove up the driveway. He was there, lying motionless and non-responsive when Don found him, yelling for his parents to come, wrapping Charlie in his father's oversize robe and carrying him downstairs for a frantic trip to the hospital.

The doctors said he was in shock, but couldn't point to any physical cause. Beyond a few odd bruises, they said he seemed uninjured.

They made him stay in the hospital overnight just in case and their parents had to pry Don away from Charlie's bedside even though he'd been sedated and asleep for hours.

Charlie spent a week at home out of school and only went back once Don assured him he'd walk him from class to class to make sure he was okay. Charlie sensed Don's deep-seated guilt and hoped that small token might help assuage a little of his unnecessary pain. Besides, Charlie knew if he had to face Simon again, he wanted Don by his side - he needed him there.

Charlie's first day back he nearly passed out from nerves and Don almost called their mother to come get him. He made it to Biology though and Don even walked him to his lab station, almost afraid to take his eyes off him.

Simon was nowhere to be seen all period.

Just before class ended, he asked his lab partner about Simon.

"Oh, his mom got transferred for work so he's gone. Somewhere back east I think. Not sure where."

When the classroom emptied and even the teacher had gone, Don stood - almost afraid to approach Charlie, whose head was down, pillowed on his arms, as his thin frame shook with silent sobs.

Don bit his lip and fidgeted for a moment - never good with emotional moments - and finally walked over and laid a hand on his little brother's shoulder.

"It's okay, buddy. Everyone else is gone and... and I'm here."

Charlie looked up at Don, his face filled with tears, his expression so rife with pain it choked up Don just to look at him. Don put out his arms and Charlie wrapped his arms around Don's waist, crying into his chest as Don held him close, struggling to keep his own tears from falling.

"It's okay, Charlie. I'll make sure you get home."

The next day, Don started to see glimpses of the old Charlie coming back.

By the time Charlie was ready to leave for Princeton that fall, Don had deluded himself into thinking Charlie had gotten over whatever had happened.

When it came time to say their goodbyes, Charlie hugged Don around the waist as he had that day in Biology and cried with the same force and pain, as if no time had passed since that day.

Don cried too.

Then Charlie went away to college and no one ever mentioned it again.

+

"Charlie..."

"Don, I'm telling you... That sketch is of Simon Adams. Why won't you listen to me?"

"Look buddy, just because the sketch looks kind of like a guy we went to high school with doesn't mean it's him. The odds of it actually being him..."

"Are actually very high," Charlie said, interrupting. "Don, I know this guy, I mean I knew him. I know what he's like and this is totally in line with his character."

"Charlie, he was your study partner and suddenly you want to name him as a serial criminal? Come on! The guy was a jerk, a very smart jerk, but not someone who could do this." Don waved at the board with the children's photos on it.

"He is, Don. He's exactly the kind of guy who'd do this. He..." Charlie couldn't look Don in the eye. "He likes young boys. I know he does," he said quietly.

Something deep in Don's stomach wrenched and he lowered himself into a chair as his mind raced back to their senior year of high school just before Simon moved away.

"Oh God, Charlie..."

Charlie tried to ignore Don's reaction. "Just check Simon Adams' DMV photo against the sketch. That's all I'm asking."

Still unsure of how steady his legs might be, Don merely flipped open his cell phone and used his walkie-talkie feature to contact Megan and ask her to print out the photo for him.

While they waited, Don stared at Charlie. "That day I found you in the bathtub and we took you to the hospital..."

"Don, I don't want to talk about it,"

"It was right before Simon moved away. You were so scared to go to Biology your first day back and when the class was over..." Don struggled with the ideas flowing through his head, finding each of them more frightening than the next. "My God, Charlie... Did he touch you? Did he hurt you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did he have a video camera?"

Charlie whipped around to face Don, a look of blind panic on his face, as if that was something he'd never thought of.

"Oh God..." Don felt dizzy and nauseous all at once. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have stopped him! I could have saved you!"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Charlie yelled full volume and Don sat there stunned.

Megan walked in quickly - if she'd heard any of the argument she was good about keeping it to herself. "We've got a match. There were six Simon Adams in the DMV database, but only one photo matches our sketch perfectly." She taped his picture to the board next to the sketch and turned to Don, awaiting orders.

"Have David and Colby go pick him up," Don said. Megan nodded and rushed out of the room. Don turned to Charlie and gave him a stern look. "You stay here. We're not done yet." He followed Megan out to her desk and waited until she got off the phone with Colby to speak. "Listen, I'm going to take Charlie home. This Simon Adams guy? We both knew him in high school so I've got to remove myself from the case now so there's no possible prejudice for the defense to use against us when we nail this guy. Can you carry the rest of the case if it really is him?"

"Sure. No problem," Megan assured him. "I'll take care of it."

"Thanks. All right, I'm taking Charlie home. Call me if you need me."

"Wait, didn't Charlie drive in today?" Megan asked.

"Oh yeah. Okay, I'll drive him home in his car. Can you pick me up on your way to work tomorrow?"

"Sure. I'll call once I'm on my way."

"Great. I owe you one."

Don headed back to the conference room, but found it empty.

"Charlie's not in the conference room. Did you see him walk by here?" Don asked.

"No, I didn't."

"He's upset. He shouldn't be driving."

Megan made a quick call. "Security confirms Charlie left the building two minutes ago."

"Damn it!" Don cursed in frustration. "With his head where it is, he's sure to get into an accident."

Don flipped open his cell phone and speed dialed Charlie's cell phone. He listened to it ring repeatedly. "Come on... Pick up, pick up..."

There was no answer.

+

Charlie grasped the hips of his lover hard, pounding into the smaller man's ass, hoping to hear a whimper. Hearing it sends him over the edge in an intoxicating rush of power and sexual release.

"Fuck, man. What's gotten into you? You haven't been like that since we first started sleeping together."

Charlie flopped back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm. "Rafael..."

"You don't come see me for months and then you show up all of a sudden wanting to fuck."

"Rafael..."

"And it's not even Rafi anymore? Have I done something wrong to make you call me by my full name?"

Charlie rolled over and clapped a hand over Rafael's mouth. "Rafi, shut up."

Rafael flashed him an annoyed expression and Charlie removed his hand, moving back to lie with his arm over his eyes again.

"I bet you've been off fucking women all this time," Rafael said quietly, in a bit of a huff.

"I've never lied to you about that," Charlie groused. "You knew from day one I was into women and you said you were okay with it."

"I remember. I remember because you argued that you weren't bi and I still say you're wrong - you're bi and you're in denial."

"I'm not bisexual. To be bi means that both genders are completely equal in your eyes - that you could fall in love with someone of either gender. That's not me. I fuck men sometimes, but I could never love one."

"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in."

Charlie sighed. "I don't want to get into this with you Rafi. Not now."

Rafael rolled on his side to face Charlie and ran his fingers through his lover's chest hair. "We don't have to fight. We can make small talk until you're ready for another go."

Charlie paused for a moment then sat up, letting Rafi's hand fall away unacknowledged. "I'm not up for another go." He stared off at nothing for a while until Rafael reached out to stroke his arm. Charlie jumped at his touch and stood up quickly.

"I need a shower. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Mi casa es su casa."

"Thanks."

Charlie scrubbed Rafael's scent off of him, but knew from experience no amount of soap and hot water would help with the rest of the reason he felt dirty.

He walked out, a towel wrapped around his waist, and sat on the edge of the bed.

When Rafael reached over and ran a finger down his back in a harmless caress Charlie got up and went and took a second shower.

+

The house was dark when Charlie drove up and he was glad that his father was out for the evening, not wanting to face him in his current state.

He didn't even bother to turn on a light, but just trudged upstairs to his room. He walked in and turned on the lamp by the door.

"I've been waiting for you."

Charlie jumped at the voice.

"Fuck, Don! What the hell are you doing in my room in the dark? You scared the shit out of me!" Charlie threw his keys angrily on the dresser.

"I've been waiting for you to come home," Don said. "You wouldn't answer my calls, I didn't know if you were dead in a ditch somewhere from driving like a maniac..."

Charlie crossed his arms over his chest. "Wow, you know Don, if you add a slight nasal tone, you'd have your imitation of Dad down perfect."

"Charlie..."

"I'm tired. I want to go to bed."

"We need to talk."

"No, you want to talk. I don't."

"I need you to tell me what happened."

"Why? So you can make me part of your case against Simon? No, thanks."

Don looked shocked. "I would never do that. I even took myself off the case and gave it to Megan so neither of our names would ever be attached to the prosecution documentation and we'd never be asked to testify."

Charlie hesitated while he was taking off his coat and then finished removing it, tossing it aside carelessly. "So why do you need to know then, if not for the case?"

"Because you're my brother and I didn't protect you when we were younger. Because I was responsible for you and I let you down when you needed me most. Because this guy..." Don stood and looked for room to pace and finding none just ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "This guy has a huge child porn collection. He's our guy all right. He kept the underwear of all ten kids he..." Don had trouble getting the word out. "Molested."

"So you have enough evidence to put him away then. Good." Charlie tried to sound calm, but he had to force his hands down the front pockets of his jeans to get them to stop shaking.

"Charlie, whatever Simon did to you? It was so long ago the statute of limitations..."

Charlie put his hand up to make Don stop. "Don't. Just don't."

Don got up and walked over to Charlie, laying his hands on his shoulders as he looked at him sadly. "I know this is hard for you. I know you don't want to talk about it, but please. If you tell me, I can help. If you tell me, you won't be in it alone anymore."

Don could see Charlie's lower lip start to tremble and watched him bite it to keep Don from seeing the strain. Don just sighed out of grief and sorrow and pulled Charlie into an embrace. They stood there for some time, Don just holding on as he felt Charlie struggle, breath hitching and uneven.

"You don't have to hold it all in any longer. The guy's going to jail. Sure he might not be going away for what he did to you, but I'm going to make sure he's put away so long you'll never have to even think of him again."

"I wish it were that easy," Charlie murmured, his voice muffled by Don's shirt. "It's been seventeen years and it still hasn't gone away."

Don held Charlie tighter to him and rocked him gently. "I understand. I just want to help. Maybe together we can make it go away. Let me try. Let me help."

Charlie pulled back and Don put his hand under Charlie's chin to make him look up at him. At first, Charlie wouldn't look him in the eye, but once he did he saw only love and acceptance.

"You swear you won't tell Dad?" he ventured, his voice not much more than a whisper.

"If you don't want me to, I won't. I promise."

Charlie nodded. "Okay. But you're not going to like what I have to say."

"Probably not," Don agreed. "But I need to know so I can help, so I'm willing to listen."

Charlie walked over to his plastic trash bin, glanced inside and poured the few pieces of paper inside onto the floor. Don walked over and sat on the bed again, looking perplexed.

"What did you do that for?"

Charlie pulled up a chair to sit just opposite Don and put the trash bin on the floor between them. "We might need this."

"What for?"

"In case one of us needs to throw up while I'm telling the story."

+

Don sat with his head in his hands, unable to recover his grasp on reality. Just that morning he'd been a normal son in a normal family - albeit with one abnormally smart member. Now he was what they called in his profession, 'other people' - the ones crimes happen to.

Don shook himself when he realized that Charlie's genius status was what made him a target to Simon. They'd both skipped grades and Simon used that similarity to break down Charlie's defenses and play on his deepest desires and fears.

Simon manipulated Charlie, and in retrospect Don could understand how terribly vulnerable he was at that age, and mentally berated himself for being too full of himself to pay closer attention to his brother that year.

"So... Now you know," Charlie said quietly.

"Yeah," Don replied, not sure what else to say at this point. There was so much to absorb, from the horrific details of the original abuse to the revelation that Charlie had been at his male lover's house that day when Don had been trying to find him.

Charlie fidgeted nervously for a few minutes then got up, put the chair back and started pacing, his agitation growing with each minute Don remained silent.

Finally, he just blurted out, "For God's sake Don, say something! I just told you my deepest darkest secret and you're just sitting there!"

Don practically leaped to his feet and rushed over to Charlie, holding on to him consolingly with both hands on his arms... "Hey hey, it's okay. I just was trying to get a handle on it, that's all. You dropped a pretty big load on me and my brain kind of imploded. I'm sorry."

Don might have stilled Charlie's movement, but he could see from his continued agitation that he wasn't calmed inside.

"I'm not sure what to tell you," Don added. "I have no clue what to do next and all of my training never prepared me for something like this in my own family." He ducked his head down a bit to get Charlie to look at him. "But just because I don't know what to do doesn't mean I'm not going to do anything, okay? You're my brother and I love you and I'll do anything I can to help you through this. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. Understand?"

Don watched as Charlie tried to smile and nod, but ended up crumbling as the strain became too much for him. Don managed to lead him over to the bed so they could both sit side by side as Charlie cried out seventeen years of sorrow and shame.

+

Southern California doesn't have many freak rainstorms, but it does have them.

Amita was pleased that she'd made it back to her apartment for the night a good twenty minutes before the sudden downpour drenched the area.

She'd just finished making herself a cup of hot chai when her doorbell rang. She glanced through the peephole and then swung the door open quickly.

"Charlie! You're soaking wet!" She stood back to allow him to enter then shut and locked the door behind him. "Stay there, I'll grab some towels." As she walked to the bathroom she called back, "You need to get out of those wet clothes too!"

By the time she found some clean towels and headed back, she figured Charlie would be halfway undressed already. Instead, he simply stood in place right where she left him, right as she left him.

"Charlie, are you okay?" she asked, wrapping a towel around his neck and taking a moment to dry the water from his face, realizing as she did so, not all the water droplets had come from the sky.

"I need help," Charlie said, his voice tiny and heartbreakingly sad. "Will you help me?" He gazed at her with big brown eyes so laced with pain she felt an echoing pain deep in her chest for him. Amita looked at him and saw, for the first time, the confident genius aspect stripped away, leaving only the man behind. That man had come to her open and vulnerable and she couldn't - wouldn't - turn him away.

"Yes. I'll help. Whatever I can do, I will."

They talked well into the night and finally wound up in bed together just before dawn.

In an odd twist, it was Charlie who'd argued that sleeping together might not be a good idea, but Amita convinced him the thing he needed most was to learn that sex could be about love and happiness, not pain and abuse.

Charlie woke first, having slept only fitfully since dawn, and found it to be early afternoon already.

He pulled the covers down gently and looked at Amita's naked body closely in the soft light that filtered through the thin drapes. She was lying on her side, facing away from him and he wrapped himself around her loosely, not wanting to wake her just yet. Looking at her and being so close to her turned him on enough that he was interested in having sex again. He slipped away from her briefly to grab a condom and put it on. Once he nestled back up against her, he could feel his hard length up against her ass and he experienced a rush of impatience. In this position he could just take her now, even fuck her up the ass if he wanted. She was asleep, but wouldn't stay that way for long, especially if he started out by touching her.

Charlie stopped himself cold, realizing where all those thoughts had come from. He took a moment to replay the memory of the two of them together from earlier that morning, only stopping when he was sure Amita was the only thing on his mind.

He nestled up behind her, slipping an arm around her slender waist and kissing her shoulder as she stirred.

"Good morning," he said softly.

"Morning," she mumbled, then glanced at the clock. "Or should I say afternoon?"

Charlie busied himself with kissing her neck. "You could say yes to what I'm about to suggest and we might just stay in bed long enough to say good evening."

Amita chuckled and snuck her hand down to where she felt Charlie pressed against her. "All ready to go, are we?" she asked with a smile.

"Just waiting for you, Amita. The one vital and missing ingredient."

Amita rolled over onto her back and smiled up at Charlie. "You really are an amazing man, you know that? To be so loving and giving... So open and caring after what you've been through..."

"Shh..." Charlie put a finger on her lips. "Enough talk. Talk was for last night. Now I want to show you how much I appreciate you being there for me."

"I like the sound of that," Amita said. "Might there be a back rub in it for me at some point?"

"Well," Charlie teased playfully, "I can guarantee some rubbing will be going on, but an actual official back rub might be better on a day when we've not been up all night."

"Good point," she agreed with a chuckle.

"So, all I want to hear from you is whether you're interested in my suggestion if you will." His hand went to her flat belly and then drifted down until his fingertips brushed the edges of her dark curls.

"Yes," she said with a smile. "You have my interest, and my permission."

Charlie nodded gratefully at her understanding.

"Come here," she said softly, pulling Charlie to lie on top of her between her legs. "I want to see you."

Charlie leaned down and kissed her softly. "I want to see you too."

He guided himself inside her slowly and began to gently ease into her and withdraw at an almost languid speed.

Despite the slow pace, Amita warmed to his attentions quickly and was soon urging him on. As Charlie let a hand roam over her, stroking and caressing her warm bare skin, he watched her face carefully. He wanted to imprint the visual of her in his mind as a safe place to go to in difficult times - a suggestion from his new therapist - even though he likely hadn't intended the safe place to be an image of a lover in the throes of passion.

Once he was able to close his eyes and call up a perfect image of her, he let himself go, stroking her to release and following her breathlessly as they both spun down the winding spiral together until they landed in each other's arms - asleep again.

+

"Eppes."

"Hey, Don."

"Hey, buddy. I was going to call you when I got home and I just walked through the door."

"I heard the news."

Don paused. "It was a good sentence, Charlie. Even if he gets out on parole he'll be a very old man before that happens."

"I know." Charlie's voice sounded small and Don felt an overwhelming urge to rush to his brother's side.

"I'm coming over."

"No."

"No?"

"I mean, you don't have to."

"I want to."

"Don..."

"Charlie, today is a pretty big deal. Simon Adams got sentenced today for screwing up the lives of ten kids just like you. No, it's not justice for us, but at least it is for them. At least we got him off the streets. He can't hurt anyone else now. "

"I know."

"So, I'll see you in a few minutes."

"No, don't come."

"Charlie..."

"I'm... I'm tired, Don. I think I just want to go to bed, okay?"

Don sighed. "Okay buddy, but I'm coming over for dinner tomorrow night, okay?"

Don could hear the smile in Charlie's voice over the phone even if it was slight. "You may have to bring a pizza with you. Tomorrow is Dad's book club night."

"I can manage a pizza. Any beer left?"

"Whatever you didn't drink out of the last six pack you brought over."

"I'll bring more."

Charlie chuckled. "Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow after work."

"Charlie?"

"Don, I'm fine really. Don't worry about me."

"Yeah, like there's an off switch for that," Don huffed good-naturedly.

"Yeah, big brother protector mode is full time now."

"It always was, Charlie," Don said softly. "I always wanted to protect you, I just wasn't always as good at it."

"Fair enough," Charlie said quietly. "You do a great job now so relax and let me get some sleep."

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Night, Don."

"Night, Charlie."

Charlie hung up his cell phone and put it on the nightstand before turning out the lights and slipping into bed.

He tossed and turned, unable to sleep for almost an hour before he switched on the small TV by his bedside. He flipped through all the channels twice, but found nothing of interest and turned it back off.

Flipping through the late night cable channels had given him enough visuals to get an idea and when he felt his body react to the thoughts of the adult movies he'd flashed past, he just went with it, trying not to think about it too much.

He kicked off his covers and stripped off his pajama bottoms, settling down comfortably with his hand on his cock, stroking himself slowly to start, relaxing, allowing the tension of the day to evaporate.

Just as he was starting to get into it, an image appeared in his mind, unbidden.

Simon.

Charlie pushed aside the thought and tried to remember what he'd seen on the cable movies.

Just as he switched gears, another visual of Simon, sneering and caustic, invaded his psyche.

He tried to replace Simon with Rafael, conjuring up images of their last encounter. Suddenly images of Simon and Pablo popped into his head.

Charlie forced the images out of his head and tried to empty his thoughts. He took a few deep breaths and tried to remember what his therapist had taught him.

Go to your safe place.

He pictured Amita.

He envisioned touching her long dark hair, kissing her, holding her hand...

He brought up the vision he'd cemented into his eidetic memory - a perfect snapshot of Amita during sex. Her faced was flushed, her mouth slightly open, eyes closed... He pictured himself running his hands over her perfect breasts, watching his slick cock disappear into her dark triangle of curls, feeling her clenching around him as she cried out his name...

Charlie felt his warm seed spill over his hand as he came and panted as he slowly drifted back down.

Suddenly sleepy, he cleaned up quickly and just left his pajama bottoms on the end of the bed, choosing just to sleep in the nude instead.

He settled himself under the covers and stretched, smiling a little to himself as he thought of Amita again.

Eventually his eyes drifted shut and he fell asleep.

A sleep with no dreams and no nightmares.

Finally.

=
 
 
 
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on December 31st, 2006 09:41 am (UTC)
Confession
Please see Part 1 for Confession post.
andiadmiralandrea on December 31st, 2006 10:45 am (UTC)
Thank you for an interesting and moving story. This is realistic in the way it portrays Charlie. I like that it doesn't have a "he was cured and lived happily ever after" ending, because real life just isn't like that.

Simon is a well drawn OC, suitably nasty and manipulative and clever, but not cartoon evil. He is extremely believeable.

I like how you portray Don in this as well, his grief and pain at what Charlie went through and that he wants more than anything to be there for Charlie.

Not a nice story, if you get my meaning, but a well written, thought provoking work.
Tya, lost and found: [n3] Artistic lost!Dontya_rc on December 31st, 2006 01:16 pm (UTC)
First, because I just read the Confession, I think you are a bit overly dramatic about this one. Or, more accurately, because otherwise I sound dismissive, too negative. It's not an hideous story. It's not the darkest story I have ever read, either. And if a fandom isn't used to well-handled dramatic story, that doesn't mean that it's not the author's right (and obligation, somewhat) to post it. Yes, this story deals with dramatic subjects. Yes. But it's realistic and respectful.

IMO, you could/should have published it much more sooner. Don't wait for people writing non-con incest to post your own emotionally complex story. Movies which deal with child abuse aren't rated R or NC-17. They are usually rated PG-13, althought they deal with disturbing subjects. People, including children and sensible persons, need to know. The only difference, in these types of movies, is that you don't actually see the sex scenes - because otherwise it'd have to be rated way more. Writing it gives you more freedrom, and having the actual sex scenes help us to understand the impact, the complexity of the feelings of the child when, like in this case, it's both want and horror.

Regarding the story itself, it's tactful and the characters are perfectly handled. Your style is simple when it needs to be, and it's not "disgustingly dark" but rather a serious, powerful point of view on that kind of event.

I absolutely loved the fact that Amita is Charlie's safe place. It was a beautiful thing to do. I liked her reaction and the way she didn't hesitate one second. I also like the way Don doesn't try to be perfect, and actually recognizes that he's powerless (he could have used some random, common soothing words, but, once again, it was very tactful of you and in character for him to be that way) while being here for his brother.

The sentence that hit me the most has to be "In case one of us needs to throw up while I'm telling the story.", I can't really explain why. It just hit me with its intensity and the pain it supposes. It also gives a special atmosphere to the brother's talk, it's like "Okay, we are together in it, here is where we can both reach if we can't deal." It also brings a visial of Charlie & Don around the same thing - the trash being between them - and gives a sense of closeness, as if the reader was suddenly around the trash, too.

I think the words that sum up the best this story are 'tactful' and 'respectuous' and 'life celebrating' because, it's the end, Charlie's family and friends are his anchor. It's probably one of the best story I have ever seen (all fandoms confounded) in term of character development. And it is, definitely, the best story dealing with child abuse.
irena_adlerirena_adler on December 31st, 2006 02:51 pm (UTC)
Very well done. Highly effective at portraying what sexual abuse does to a child, at the time of the abuse and throughout their life. I can understand Don's reaction of frustration and thinking "I should have noticed". I know someone who was sexually abused as a child when I was a child around him and you did a good job of showing what it's like to discover that all those years later.
rubynye: Honor (hyel)rubynye on December 31st, 2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
This story has reminded me all over again why I love this fandom.

It's dark, but it's the darkness of truth; it's an explicit story, but not gratuitous. And how much do I love your characters, both the ones I love (Don, Amita, Charlie) and the ones I love to hate (your wonderfully constructed, evil Simon)! Well done.

Your warnings at the start of the story should certainly prevent anyone from reading this unawares, but I think you were a little hard on yourself. :)
cpwatcher on January 3rd, 2007 10:10 am (UTC)
An excellent fic. Warnings aside, sometimes fics like these just have to be written. The characterizations, manipulations and 'not so happily ever after' all smack of real life truths. Simon is the guy we want to warn our children about. Charlie's relationships are invaribly the truth as well, young boys molested seeking to prove thier own manhood by being the'man' in an adult m/m sexual encounter.

I'm glad you posted. Thanks for sharing.
aj_socksaj_socks on September 25th, 2009 09:58 am (UTC)
I'm a bit late to the party, but this fic was amazing.
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on September 25th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
Wow, this is a very welcome surprise! This isn't one of my old fic I figured people would read, but I appreciate that you did. I did think it was a really intense and important subject matter - sexual predators - so I'm gratified that you took the time to read it. Thank you so much!
aj_socks: divaaj_socks on September 26th, 2009 07:05 am (UTC)
Lol I found it through the Numb3rs search thing on Livejournal and although I am not much of a review/comment person... I had to tell you that I loved it.

You told it very well, no extremely well. It made me curious to know if you've had anything published. >.<

This is definitely a story I'd suggest, but alas I am the only Numb3rs fan I know that would read fanfic... lol Isn't that sad? ;p