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14 January 2007 @ 12:03 am
Numb3rs Fic: The Possibility  
Written for numb3rs100 Challenge #11 – Possibility/Probability


Title: The Possibility
Series/Universe: Two Brothers
Pairing/Characters: Don, Charlie
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 100
Spoilers: Pilot, UP
Summary: The brothers are shaken by the death of two California FBI agents
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ


"Did you see the paper?"

Charlie pushed it across the table.

The newspaper was already folded to show the headline, 'Two FBI Agents Slain in San Diego.'

"Charlie, you know that stuff doesn't happen often..."

"I know exactly how often it happens, Don. I have the stats, I've done the probability equations to calculate the possibility that you'll wind up dead."

"You did?" He swallowed, suddenly anxious. "What did they say?"

"Trust me, you're better off not knowing."

Don nodded solemnly and stared at the headline again as Charlie muttered to himself.

"I kind of wish I didn't know myself..."

=
 
 
 
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on January 14th, 2007 08:07 am (UTC)
Confession
This is fic number 11 out of 31 in the Two Brothers Series.

Normally writing drabbles is really easy for me. It takes almost no effort to write a first draft and I don't really have to struggle to get them to exactly 100, 200 or 300 words. I've even had first drafts be spot on 100 words without trying.

This fic though, I worked on.

Wording was key in this and I'm still not exactly happy with how the final turned out. It's not clear who is saying the first line (it's Don, but I figure if someone assumes that it's Charlie it works as well), I was torn as to whether to write "You did?" versus "You have?" (I decided regardless of what was correct, Don would say "You did?") and I feel like you all are missing out on what Charlie's tone and demeanor is. I couldn't find a way to express it in few words so I gave up trying. I pictured his demeanor almost flat; he's busying himself with other things almost in an attempt to not have to face Don, to not have to admit how much this has affected him. Of course Don knows anyway and tries to placate him so Charlie kind of snaps back at him, perhaps out of annoyance at being treated like the little brother who needs to be coddled and reassured. Then he admits under his breath, so Don can't hear, how bad it really is and how much he wishes he didn't have to know this.

At least Charlie is kind enough to protect Don from the burden of the truth he wishes he didn't know and Don is smart enough to realize his brother's right – he is better off not knowing.

Very special thanks to beta melissima for her assistance with this fic.

Thanks,

Emma DeMarais
andiadmiralandrea on January 14th, 2007 09:01 am (UTC)
Huh. I had thought the first line was Charlie's, because it's more usual in fic to find two characters alternating lines and as Don's clearly saying the second line... Still, we know what they say about "assume" *g*

Being a visual person, I could actually see this quite clearly, Charlie fiddling with something and not looking at Don as they talk, Don with that worried look on his face, wishing his Dad was there to help...
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on January 14th, 2007 09:07 am (UTC)
It works with either of them saying the line so I decided not to sweat it.

I pictured Don coming into the house, braced to tell them the news and needing to know if he's going to have to do damage control instead if they've already heard. He asks about the paper and the fact that Charlie's got it *right there* open to *that* article tells him his little brother didn't take the news well.

So your visual is pretty good. I pictured Charlie grading papers or something like that so his head is down over the table and he doesn't even look up when he pushes the paper across to Don.

But it's a drabble, so not enough words to get as in depth as I would like...

Still, I rather like this one now. I just cursed it when I was struggling to get a final draft. ;-)

Thanks,

Emma
perhaps some frottage is in ordersororcula on January 14th, 2007 09:08 am (UTC)
I also interpreted the first line to be Charlie's, and going back and reading it as Don's, I think the whole thing works better.

"You did?" He swallowed, suddenly anxious. "What did they say?"

"Trust me, you're better off not knowing."


Something about these lines almost made me gasp. I mean, I guess on their own they're not much, but to think of Charlie actually saying that to Don... God. OH, boys.
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on January 14th, 2007 09:15 am (UTC)
Well, I tried rewriting it to make it clear it was Don speaking, but I wasn't able to shave any words from the rest of the fic for it - they were all important to me.

That exchange between them and Charlie's whisper are the key to the whole thing. Charlie's scared to death of losing his only sibling, especially after he's just lost his mother, and Don really doesn't want to face the fact that he could indeed lose his life in his line of work.

Tense, but important in their relationship so I had to write it.

Thanks,

Emma
perhaps some frottage is in ordersororcula on January 14th, 2007 09:25 am (UTC)
I've been reading and watching so much SPN lately that I'd semi-forgotten that Dean isn't the only one with abandonment issues, Charlie has them, too. :-)
Karen: numb3rs donbyrons_brain on January 14th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
Ouch poor Don!
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on January 14th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
And poor Charlie!

/pets them both/
JAZZ HANDS!: numb3rs: boysmeletor_et_al on January 14th, 2007 07:18 pm (UTC)
oh, BOYS!

this is so them. especially, I think, without the extra words.
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on January 14th, 2007 07:28 pm (UTC)
Yes!

Fic like this is why I enjoy the Two Brothers Series so much.

Thanks,

Emma
JAZZ HANDS!: numb3rs: nerdmeletor_et_al on January 14th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
the thing with Don and Charlie, I've learned (and loved, and cursed, in turn), is that they're all about the things they don't say, and the things they don't tell you. and it'll often feel, to me, like I have less control over a fic when I finally put it out, but -- if the voices are right, then the stuff that's not said and not specified will make more sense to the reader, and resonate better, than if we the writers had hammered it in. or ... something? I woke up a bit late, so I'm still riding the coffee :p
melissimamelissima on January 14th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
I think you underestimate yourself. :) I think Charlie comes through quite clearly, here:

"Charlie pushed it across the table.

The newspaper was already folded to show the headline, 'Two FBI Agents Slain in San Diego.'"

Our loquacious professor isn't silent often, and the force of it hits me as I'm sure it did Don.

:) I love this drabble, for everything it says about the dynamic between the boys, and how artfully it speaks.
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on January 16th, 2007 05:28 am (UTC)
I think you underestimate yourself. :) I think Charlie comes through quite clearly, here:

Well, I never was good at reading my readers. I couldn't guess what people would get from those scant lines.

Bonus points for the twenty five cent word loquacious! I love it! So apropos! :-)

I did eventually grow to like this one. I just hated all the work that went into it. Hehehe

Thanks so much for your help, hon. As always, I adore you...
melissima: Charlie' shy smile  <lj user=darkangel41melissima on January 16th, 2007 05:54 am (UTC)
I think I ran across somebody else calling Charlie loquacious somewhere and thought OMFG <3! I've never found a more eloquent use of the word. :)

Thanks so much for your help, hon. As always, I adore you...

It's SOO my pleasure. Talking writing (or whatever) with you is the highlight of many a day for me. Je t'adore aussi...
(Deleted comment)
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on November 8th, 2007 03:10 pm (UTC)
There's a similar line - this time played for humor - in my latest fic Three Red Balls.

In it David basically tells Colby he's got a great ass. Colby *really* wishes he didn't know David thought that. ;-)
fredbassettfredbassett on November 1st, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
Yes, poor boys. Painful and touching. You really do excel at this kind of writing.
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on November 8th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you...

House of Emma: Angst our specialty.