Log in

No account? Create an account
12 May 2007 @ 11:59 pm
Numb3rs Fic: Bottom of the Ninth  
Written for numb3rs100 Challenge #106 – Baseball

Title: Bottom of the Ninth
Pairing/Characters: Don
Rating: G
Word Count: 200
Spoilers: UP, Identity Crisis
Summary: Don fills in for the pitcher in an FBI baseball game
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ

3 and O is the count.

The aroma of sweat, dirt and oiled leather encircles him like an aura.

Raised red seams puncture dirty white under his calloused thumb.

The wind up.

The pitch.

3 and 1.

The mound is his fortress. He scuffs at it with his cleats, feels the eyes in the stands upon him and shuts them out.

A fireball sun blazes down. He wipes the sweat from his brow, replaces his cap and pops his gum.



3 and 2.

The pitcher he relieved stares him down from the dugout, ice pack pressed against his injured shoulder as he waits, tense.

Their team is unbeaten, but that streak could end with a single throw from his no longer minor league arm.

Bottom of the ninth.

Two outs.

Two runners on base.

One scores they go home.

One strike they go celebrate.

A scarce cool breeze kisses the back of his neck, refreshes him as it swirls around him, then evaporates.

His movement is fluid, graceful - building its power then releasing it with a split second snap.

A soft thud echoes as the baseball finds its home in the catcher's mitt.

Strike three.

Game over.

Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on May 13th, 2007 08:39 am (UTC)
I confess I hate this fic.


Hate is a strong word.

But I really really really don't like it.

(Brownie points to anyone who gets that. Huh. /looks down at self/ I'm wearing a plain black T.) ;-)

Let's just chalk this one up to an experiment that failed badly and let me move on okay?

Seriously, someone kick me next time I attempt to write fic without my muse. I lost track after the third revision and twelfth word count. /headdesk/

Very special thanks to beta melissima for her assistance with this fic.


Emma DeMarais
melissimamelissima on May 13th, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC)
Re: Confession
LOL RS and I have been listening to Plain White T's all morning! when I read "Hate is a strong word" I was already singing "but I really really really don't like you!"


For the record, I _do_ like it--it's experimental, so that makes it challenging, but there are so many great sensory details (and you know me...the detail whore.) :)
andi: Don New FBIadmiralandrea on May 13th, 2007 11:47 am (UTC)
Not sure why you hate it, I liked it. I don't understand baseball, which is why this challenge is just passing me by as a writer, but I like your descriptions, they're very visceral. And I like the ending.

And after a weekend of SPN con glee, I'm glad to soak in some Numb3rs again! (Although I did manage some Numb3rs moments and I got the Unit S1 DVDs! Max Martini, squee!)
Kayra: Numb3rs - CharleDon Brotherscraftypug on May 13th, 2007 02:16 pm (UTC)
hmm... It's definitely interesting and I don't hate it. I don't even dislike it. But I do have one tiny problem with it and I'm not sure if it's the same problem you see. :) Because overall, this is a good fic. Really!

Not sure I see Don as a closing pitcher. A closer would come in, finish up that last inning and that's all he would do. I'm not sure a closer is in the batting line up. We know that Don is a batter.

Now I can definitely see Don at bat in this fic. And when the count gets to 3 and 2, he smacks a home run. :) Maybe that is too predictable?

Just remember, experimentation is good!
NV: [n3] don // pensiveneur0vanity on May 13th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
I prefer the description in this piece over that of the fic where Don is looking for the little girl's body. I don't think this is bad at all. The only reason I could possibly be disinterested is because I'm not a baseball fan. The writing is solid and beautiful, and there is a sense of urgency/adrenaline with the short lines. I'm sorry you're not happy with it.
perhaps some frottage is in order: Don h0rsororcula on May 13th, 2007 11:21 pm (UTC)
I like this spare, descriptive style. Definitely not a bad fic, even if it's not your best. :-)

(though I have to admit most of the baseball, erm, flew over my head. LOL.)