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09 July 2007 @ 11:58 pm
Bones Fic: The Spiders in the Boots  
Written for varietypack100 Multi-Fandom Challenge
Emma DeMarais VarietyPack100 Prompt Table
Crossposted to 206_bones

Title: The Spiders in the Boots
Pairing/Characters: Brennan, Booth, Angela, Zack, Hodgins
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Season 1
Summary: Prompts - Who?, What?, Where?, When?, Why?, How?
Notes/Warnings: Read the disclaimer on my LJ

076. Who?

"Get your gum boots, Bones! We got ourselves a juicy who done it and I need you for the who done to part!" Booth strode into Brennan's office with a spring in his step and an air of excited impatience. Brennan sat on the couch facing away from him as Angela crouched on the rug at her feet. At his entrance, Angela looked up with an expression that didn't bode well for a speedy departure.

"I can't go," Brennan said mournfully, not turning around. Her attention was focused at her feet so Booth stepped in further to see what she and Angela were looking at.

Brennan's feet were bare beneath her long skirt and one of her ankles was swollen to alarming proportions.

"Guess whose dance card just got canceled," Angela deadpanned.

077. What?

"What the hell happened?" Booth asked, confused.

"Would you believe spider bite?" Angela said as Brennan shrugged sheepishly.

"No, not really," Booth muttered as he stared at her leg. "That looks really..." he scratched the back of his neck, perplexed. "A spider bite? Seriously?" At Angela and Brennan's nods, his expression shifted to one of concern. "Did the doctor tell you you're allergic or something, because I've been bit by spiders plenty and it never did anything like that to me."

"She hasn't gone to the doctor," Angela announced, sounding annoyed as she glared at Brennan. "She seems to think she doesn't need to."

"We work in a medical lab with the top entomologist on the East Coast!" Brennan protested. "I think Hodgins knows what he's talking about. He's got three Ph.D.s, you know."

"Yeah well, until he adds an M.D. to the list, I'm not buying it." Booth grabbed Brennan's coat and tossed it over her shoulder, cocking his head at Brennan's desk. "Grab her purse," he said to Angela. "My car's right out front."

"I don't need a doctor!" Brennan complained loudly.

Booth took hold of Brennan's arm and fixed her in his stern gaze. "Bones, you can come peaceably using me as a crutch or it's the fireman's carry. Either way you're getting in my car... Now."

078. Where?

"Can I go now?"


Both Booth and the doctor spoke in unison as Brennan slumped her shoulders, sitting on the emergency room exam table.

"Are you sure it was a brown recluse spider that bit you?" the doctor asked, examining the site again.

"It's not possible to be more sure. I have one of the country's foremost entomologists on staff."

"Lucky you," the doctor intoned. "So someone killed it and saved it to examine?"

"More like captured it, I mean them."

"Them?" Booth asked, his brow furrowed.

"Yes, Hodgins collected six in total. Four were in my boots and two were under my desk."

"In your boots!" The volume of Booth's voice made them both wince. "Someone did this to you on purpose?"

"Well, we don't really have proof of that..." Brennan started to say, but Booth already had his cell phone out and had hit his speed dial.

"You can't use a cell phone in the hospital," the doctor recited, pointing to a nearby sign.

"I'm armed," Booth said tersely, giving him a warning glance.


"Zack, it's Booth. Put Hodgins on. Wait..." He turned to Brennan as he switched to speakerphone. "What's the probability of six brown recluse spiders naturally being in Brennan's office at once when she's never had any there before?"

"Wow, I get to use this word twice in my career," Zack muttered. "But I'm going to have to say incalculable."

"Thanks, Zack," Booth said, giving Brennan a smug look. "Now give me Hodgins."

"Jack here."

"Hodgins, if I wanted to plant a half dozen poisonous spiders in Brennan's office where would I get them?"

"Actually, the Jeffersonian has a great..." His voice trailed off as realization dawned on him. "You don't think..."

"Yes," Booth answered angrily. "As a matter of fact I do."

079. When?

"When can I leave?"

"Once I get your prescriptions," the doctor said on his way out. "I’ll be right back."

After he left, Brennan turned back to Booth. "I hope you don't think Hodgins had anything to do with this."

Booth shook his head. "No, I don't. He's missing what we in the crime business like to call, you know, motive? But do I suspect one of your coworkers at the Jeffersonian? Oh, yeah. And when I find out who..." His hands clenched into fists as his jaw tightened.

Brennan put a calming hand on his arm. "Booth... It's not a big deal. It was probably just a prank. Nothing to get riled up over."

"Nothing?" Booth paced the tiny exam room, barely able to contain himself. "Nobody does this to my partner and gets away with it!" he exclaimed, punching the air with his index finger. "I am going back to that place and I'm going to find out who did this!"

Brennan let out a resigned sigh.

"Just don't shoot anybody, okay?" she asked, half-jokingly.

"I make no promises," Booth growled.

080. Why?

"We know you did it."

Booth's voice was icy cold as he paced behind Brennan's chair in the interrogation room. Across from her sat Dr. Armand Trent, fidgeting nervously under the FBI agent's scrutiny.

"Me?" he said meekly.

Booth stopped abruptly and slammed both palms down on the table - making Dr. Trent jump - leaning across to lock eyes with the hapless researcher.

"I solve major crimes for a living. I put serial killers behind bars." He sneered. "What makes you think finding you out was any kind of a challenge?"

Dr. Trent swallowed hard. "I didn't mean anything by it, really," he said apologetically. "It was more of a prank, you know?"

"A prank?" Booth exploded. "She can't even walk!" he yelled, pointing at Brennan.

"Actually, I get around okay," Brennan offered, nonplussed. "The crutches are just to keep the weight off..."

"I could have you arrested right now!" Booth shouted, ignoring Brennan. "And so help me if Bones says the word I'll put you in handcuffs myself."

Dr. Trent cowered as Brennan rushed to assuage Booth. "Nobody's going to jail over this," she said calmly before turning back to her coworker. "I just want to know why you did it."

Dr. Trent stiffened and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I suppose it doesn’t matter now. I've already accepted a new position in Montreal." He lifted his chin as he stated proudly, "I wrote a book. It's a very good book, but evidently the publishing world only has room for one best selling scientist from the Jeffersonian. I just didn't think that was fair."

"So you put poisonous spiders in her boots?" Booth asked, incredulous.

Dr. Trent shrugged. "It's my favorite Far Side cartoon."

Brennan laughed. "I know that one! Where the one archaeologist is lacing up his bulging boots and the other one mentions shaking the bugs out of his before putting them on!" She poked Booth who didn't look amused. "That's a funny one. Even you'd like it."

"Bones, can we stick to the case here?" he scowled.

"There's no case," she said, with a dismissive gesture. "Besides, if Dr. Trent's leaving the Jeffersonian that should be enough for you."

Dr. Trent nodded vigorously, looking hopeful, but Booth only glared at him.

"Then I'll take him to go clean out his desk."

081. How?

"Booth! Zack just got back with the body!" Hodgins called down to Booth in the entry area where he stood next to Dr. Trent, the latter with his box of personal possessions in his arms. "We've got some very distinctive mold growing in the eye sockets! You're going to want to see this!"

"Don't bet on it," Booth mumbled under his breath. He turned to the security guard escorting Dr. Trent and gestured to him to step back a little. "Give us a minute will you?"

"Certainly, Agent Booth," the guard said respectfully as he backed out of earshot.

Booth slapped a hand on Dr. Trent's shoulder, a gesture of goodwill from a distance, but his talon like grip on the entomologist's shoulder told otherwise. "I know Canada is outside of my jurisdiction," he said quietly. "And I know that I don't have any legal grounds to come after you..." He leaned in closer and spoke right in Dr. Trent's ear. "But I will. You won't know how and you won't know when, but we're not done, you and I. Understand?" Dr. Trent's trembling nod was his only reply. "Good." He released the much shorter man and stepped back, gesturing to the guard that he was ready to be escorted off the premises.

"Let's go, sir," the guard said.

As they headed out, Booth called after them. "Dr. Trent?" When he turned around, Booth gave him a wicked smile. "Dr. Brennan did tell you I'm a special ops trained sniper, didn't she?" As Dr. Trent's jaw dropped in shock and fear flared in his eyes, Booth turned on his heel, swiped his keycard to gain entry to the lab and bounded up the stairs with a smug grin on his face. "Bones!" he called out cheerfully. "I hear you have some exciting mold for me!"

Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 10th, 2007 07:10 am (UTC)
Confession Part 1
I wrote Bones dialogue! (Forgive me, I'm a little excited.)

I was worried about getting Booth's and Brennan's voices right in my first attempt and lo and behold, I got all five major characters! Well, maybe not right per se, but a chance to try out all five of their voices. (Cam's not a major character to me. I am still hoping she'll just go away. I know, I'm mean, but at least I'm honest.)

Since I'm being honest (which is always so I should say since I'm being *frank*) I confess that I HATE fandoms that call characters by their last names especially when it's not ALL characters. Grr! It slays me in Criminal Minds as well. We had Gideon, Hotch (not even Hotchner!), Morgan, Reid and then JJ and Elle? WTF? Men can be called by their last names, but not women? (Actually since there's Garcia it's really more the inconsistency that bugs me, not some feminist agenda.) I can write fic with Morgan and Garcia calling each other Morgan and Garcia, but saying "Morgan kissed Garcia on the forehead" doesn't work for me. Unfortunately typing it as "Derek kissed Penelope" makes everyone reading go who? /headdesk/ In the Bones fandom I give up. No one gets to call Booth Seeley anyway and Temperance is too much of a mouthful to write. I cave. So you get Booth, Brennan, Hodgins (though I reserve the right to use Jack if I write Jack/Angela) and Angela and Zack. At least in this fandom a guy gets to be on a first name basis. ;-)

My regular readers must be laughing at me now since even though this is only my second fic in this new fandom it's also only the second time I've had to split my Confession into two parts! /headdesk/ Clearly I can't shut up about this fandom and I say way too much about this fic. I honestly have no idea who reads these things other than my betas, but /waves/ hello to all of you who drudge through my vain author ramblings. LOL!

Here's hoping some of you will manage to stay awake long enough to go read Confession Part 2 to get to the good stuff. Hehehe


Emma DeMarais
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 10th, 2007 07:21 am (UTC)
Confession Part 2
Some comments about each specific fic...


I wanted *so* bad to describe Booth's arrival using the word jaunty, but I used it already in the last fic, damn it. It just *suits* him.

I don't remember the episode, but the opening is a riff off Brennan's line, "I'll get my gum boots", which was - I think - at the end of the final act.

I know I'll never be able to adequately capture Michaela's great facial expressions as Angela, but I hope the word deadpanned evoked the right visual in people, because it did for me. /grins/


I'm not normally a visual writer at all, but I saw almost all of this fic. I liked the Booth I saw here - at first perplexed and then adamant. I totally see Brennan as downplaying her condition and making the gross assumption her faith in Hodgins' expertise is sufficient. I left it to the reader's imagination if Booth had to resort to the fireman's carry or not to get Brennan to the car. /snicker/


"No." ROFL! I loved this. So much humor in one word. I know it's lacking without the audio, but the two of them - not missing a beat - both telling Brennan no with stern looks on their faces was precious in my head.

I confess I didn't research brown recluse spiders for this fic and am not totally sure of the effects, but I do know someone who got bit by a brown recluse this year. He seemed okay at first, although I'm sure it was really unpleasant, but then he wound up in the hospital so those buggers should not be taken lightly.

In this fic, Booth goes from protective mode to uberprotective mode. Not a pretty sight, but who else would you want looking out for you?

"I'm armed." Okay, so I've used this in my Numb3rs fic, but damn I love it! David does that withering look great, so the doctor wouldn't say squat after being on the receiving end of Booth's 'don't mess with me' glare. ;-)

Zack gets to say incalculable again! /loves/ But then, I loved the first time. /smiles/ (Did I mention my main fandom is based on a mathematician? Hehehe)

FWIW, I don't think Hodgins would say "Jack here" but the muse wouldn't let me put Hodgins there. /shrugs/


Good Booth anger. I'm not sure if the phrase "punching the air with his index finger" works, but it's what I saw. I've just never used that gesture before in fic so I'm not sure if there's a standard way to describe it.

At the end, Brennan is only half-joking because even she can tell Booth's really angry.

Booth knows he won't shoot anyone, but he's too upset to make nice so he just growls. Understandable. He's still in mama bear mode.


The part I am proudest of in this attempt to capture the Bones show feel is the bit where Booth is going off and Brennan's all like "Actually, I get around okay" almost casual like. She's spoiling his bluster while missing the point in true Bones fashion. Hehehe One of the keys to their chemistry is that they are not a well oiled machine in the interrogation room. He's got a flow and she interrupts it, asking odd questions and popping in with her own tangential input. I love it. LOL!

FWIW, I bet authors like that have a lot of jealous rivals. Scientists, I'm told, are also very big fans of the Far Side since many of the cartoons use scientists in them. The cartoon mentioned is real and it's hilarious. The guy who didn't think to shake out his boots before putting them on has an aghast expression on his face and you can see from the bulging his boots are *stuffed* with bugs. I don't remember the exact text, but you get the gist of it.

Ever since I saw that cartoon I've shaken out my boots before putting them on. ;-)


You know Booth's not going to go after Dr. Trent right? That that threat - making him look over his shoulder for the foreseeable future - was his revenge? Just wanted to make sure that was clear.

I *love* the mold bookends. They crack me up. I wasn't sure I'd buy David as anyone other than Angel, and at first his snarky goofy style rubbed me the wrong way, but now I like what David's done with Booth. He's not real, but he's really entertaining.
Good is Relative: BloodTies Coreen Quirkygoodisrelative on July 10th, 2007 12:26 pm (UTC)
Excellent job at capturing all the voices! :)
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 12th, 2007 07:56 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm really glad to hear this. First times are often worrisome in new fandoms.
Ttraciebee on July 10th, 2007 01:27 pm (UTC)
Very nice job!

I also read your last fic, but I didn't get around to commenting. You definitely have a really good grasp of the characters. I can picture these scenes happening while I'm reading.
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 12th, 2007 08:00 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm grateful that you're giving a new author a chance.

Normally I'm not visual at all and am lucky to get even one flash of what I am writing. These Bones fic though? I saw *tons* It was very interesting and vastly more entertaining than mere words. Now I envy visual writers...
T: bones - brennanalonetraciebee on July 12th, 2007 12:02 pm (UTC)
Now I envy visual writers...

The only way I can write is visually, when I get flashes of scenes (or stories) in my head. It's like a mini movie playing and I have to write it down when it happens. I would love just to be able to write and not have to wait for them to come.

Damn muses! :P
T: bones - pornadotraciebee on July 10th, 2007 01:31 pm (UTC)
I don't remember the episode, but the opening is a riff off Brennan's line, "I'll get my gum boots", which was - I think - at the end of the final act.

Oh, and that episode was "The Man in the Mansion", the end scene when she told Booth that her and Sully has slept together.
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 12th, 2007 08:03 am (UTC)
Cool, thanks! Doesn't Booth mutter something about needing a brighter tie as she leaves?

This is one show I *suck* at canon on. I will have to watch both seasons again from start to finish before I have a shot at getting what happens when. As it is I feel like I am cheating, but I have to mark my spoilers by season since I really don't know how I'd manage otherwise.
melissima: Garcia sweatergirlmelissima on July 10th, 2007 02:35 pm (UTC)
need Bones icons...
Yay! I love them. They really feel like watching Bones and Booth together. :)

I giggled delightedly at Booth punching the air with his finger--he's so histrionic for a macho guy.

re: names? I suspect "Seeley" and "Temperance" were chosen at least in part to make it plausible that they are almost always Booth and Bones. Reich apparently uses "Tempe" in the books if I am to believe a friend who's read them, but I don't think that would work as well on TV.

I can't wait for more! And it's Tuesday, too! :)
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 12th, 2007 08:09 am (UTC)
Re: need Bones icons...
Hee! I could see the finger thing and so much more and you know how odd it is for me to see *any* of what's in my fic. Yeah, he's overreacting, but it's just him showing he cares in his macho way.

Ugh at Seeley especially! What the hell kind of name is that? At least Russ calls her Tempe, which is nice. What's weird is Angela calling her Brennan. I buy Jack and Zack calling her Dr. Brennan since their relationships are built foremost on respect, but her best friend? A non-scientist even. Whatever...

LOL at Tuesday. I think about Bones as being on Friday before Numb3rs now and Tuesday means new El Paso fic. Hee!
help, i'm alive ;;: bones - vegas babyodakota_rose on July 10th, 2007 10:10 pm (UTC)
Great job! I think you got their voices really nicely..

Brennan let out a resigned sigh.

"Just don't shoot anybody, okay?" she asked, half-jokingly.

"I make no promises," Booth growled.

Hehe, and the thing is, it's only half a joke which makes it perfect for them and the fact that she's sorta joked about it on the show..

I like the way you wrote them, and this story made me grin because it's fun/dangerous which always means a good Bones fic..
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 12th, 2007 08:14 am (UTC)
Thank you!

About the joking, he shot a *clown*! She has empirical proof he could go off and shoot something, so it's not out of line for her to be at least a little serious about this. /grins/

I was hoping the blend of drama, interpersonal relationships and humor would work and not be too far off from how the show is. It's fic though and fic has different goals than one hour TV dramas.

Still, I liked it. Hehehe

Thanks for reading and commenting!
help, i'm alive ;;odakota_rose on July 12th, 2007 08:50 am (UTC)
Hehe, the "he shot a clown" bit will always crack me up :D
Yes Booth overreacted shooting it, but it's hilarious, that's why it works *grin*

I think it definitely worked, and I like how protective Booth always is, it's kinda cute, heh..
FreeSpiritbuffyangellvr23 on July 11th, 2007 03:02 pm (UTC)
Nice work :)
Emma DeMarais: BlueEyeemmademarais on July 12th, 2007 08:15 am (UTC)
Thank you!

Nice icon!
ladygray99ladygray99 on January 2nd, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
How could I have missed this? Very fun. :)
Emma DeMaraisemmademarais on February 2nd, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
I don't write much Bones, but all my fic is tagged and memoried if you want to see all the fandoms I play in.